BettyBras (see:www.bettybras.com)

Cartoons of hot reporter and agony aunt Betty Bras www.bettybras.com. All your questions answered for free!!

Saturday, October 28, 2006

BETTY GETS SECURE

Do you know this situation: that you have a friend, it might be just an acquaintance, that you have no idea of why you keep seeing him? In my case, this happened with a young security officer who stood at my door a few times, and really, it was all I could take. He was so boring that I fell asleep the MOMENT he rang the door. At some point he told me that he had seen me standing in my living, with my head fallen forward, and so this forced me to tell him that I had a sleeping disorder which had to do with doorbells. Of course, this wasn't true but I had to make something up. I couldn't tell him that I was tired of having to listen to his endless conversations about fur hats or courtyards or the people he needed to provide with security. He thought security was exciting but I thought it is extremely boring. Although we all need it, there is nothing as boring and predictable as that. So what did I do? Well, I tried to give him some sort of a nod, and then he went away. (I think he lives in a small country near the East Coast now).

It's hard to find an exciting man these days. Often, IF you find one at all, he has already been found by someone else. So what is left, is weird men. Take PP. He is SUCH a strange man. All his life, he spends on waggling to the supermarket, getting a package of cofee and then moving slowly back into the house to lock himself up with an old typerwriter. According to him, that is all he wants to do. I don't believe him. I think it is all he CAN do. Although I head, he has become a member of a dating site! Then, he shares his whole life with me. According to me, this clearly indicates a personality problem. From both sides.
The other thing that bothers me is the so called 'beard issue' that we're facing. Yesterday I tried to wrap the beard around my neck to see if it suits me. I believe it looks sexy. So, I think I'll keep it there for a while and see if he notices. Of course, he still hasn't gotten back to me about the e-mail I sent him, but perhaps when he gets cold, (and he gets cold all the time) he'll be in touch soon.

Cheerio!
Betty

BETTY GETS SECURE

Do you know this situation: that you have a friend, it might be just an acquaintance, that you have no idea of why you keep seeing him? In my case, this happened with a young security officer who stood at my door a few times, and really, it was all I could take. He was so boring that I fell asleep the MOMENT he rang the door. At some point he told me that he had seen me standing in my living, with my head fallen forward, and so this forced me to tell him that I had a sleeping disorder which had to do with doorbells. Of course, this wasn't true but I had to make something up. I couldn't tell him that I was tired of having to listen to his endless conversations about fur hats or courtyards or the people he needed to provide with security. He thought security was exciting but I thought it is extremely boring. Although we all need it, there is nothing as boring and predictable as that. So what did I do? Well, I tried to give him some sort of a nod, and then he went away. (I think he lives in a small country near the East Coast now).

It's hard to find an exciting man these days. Often, IF you find one at all, he has already been found by someone else. So what is left, is weird men. Take PP. He is SUCH a strange man. All his life, he spends on waggling to the supermarket, getting a package of cofee and then moving slowly back into the house to lock himself up with an old typerwriter. According to him, that is all he wants to do. I don't believe him. I think it is all he CAN do. Although I head, he has become a member of a dating site! Then, he shares his whole life with me. According to me, this clearly indicates a personality problem. From both sides.
The other thing that bothers me is the so called 'beard issue' that we're facing. Yesterday I tried to wrap the beard around my neck to see if it suits me. I believe it looks sexy. So, I think I'll keep it there for a while and see if he notices. Of course, he still hasn't gotten back to me about the e-mail I sent him, but perhaps when he gets cold, (and he gets cold all the time) he'll be in touch soon.

Cheerio!
Betty

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

BETTY WAITS FOR A REPLY

Dear people, one of the big problems we women have, is that men don't respond. They just don't. It takes so much talking, you might just as well have three tongues. When they finally get your message, they wonder why you didn't open up your mouth before. In the mean time, we are totally exhausted and gather to drink hugh pots of tea to get our dry tongues to work normally again.
Sometimes I think men don't respond deliberately, so they can rest and keep to themselves. Really, the amounts of resting men I have found these days, it's just overwhelming. They are EVERYWHERE. In parks, on doorsteps, or in the middle of traffic jams. They smile all the time and keep telling you that they have a plan for the next day. (With strong emphasis on 'next day')

Take PP. I wrote him this e-mail, telling him that I found a piece of his beard in front of my doorstep, and guess what, he hasn't responded. Nothing. Not a word. Not even a confirmation that he got my e-mail.
'Of course', you might say, 'anything could have happened'. Yes, he could have fallen ill. Or taken a train to Prague. Or have forgotten to come home. But let's face it, how many people take a train to Prague all of a sudden? Only a handful!
Besides, PP hasn't left his house for weeks. Taking a train to Prague would be very impulsive and very strategically unlogical. No, I'll tell you what the case is. He probably hasn't read it. It's probably still sticking in his mailbox. Or, worse, he HAS read it and believes he has responded already. That happens to men all the time. In fact, I know of a man who keeps repeating things like: "Yes yes, I have already said this and this a few days ago". And: "As I told you earlier...." (but no one has heard him saying anything). And all this with this very self content tone of voice. Of course this man doesn't realize, that people know that he hasn't said ANYTHING. He just wonders why there is groups of waiting women all around his office.

So for this man and all the non responding others: if you want to be respected and become successful, then dig up some accurate replies and deliver them fast!

(this is RULE VIII of my do-it-yourself-program for becoming successful and famous and is also valid for non responding women)

Cheerio!

Betty

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

BETTY WRITES AN E-MAIL TO PROFESSOR PERIWINKLE


Dear people, yesterday I had a date. A date with a very difficult man. A loner so to speak. He was tall, and dark haired and he had brown teeth. From smoking. Of course I wasn't interested. I mean, of course I was. There he sat, in front of me on a stool with a big Chimay in his hand, telling me he really wanted to be with a woman (!) like me. Isn't that flattering? The problem was, he had nothing to base it on. He only met me once before, at a cinema, and after that, he kept being very determined. I was very suspicious of this man so I asked him: well, what would you say if I tell you that in fact I am a refugee? I come all the way from Mexico and have no real place on earth. You know what he said? It seemed to make no impression. The only thing he said was: well, that's what I like about you baby, your gypsy heart. In awe, I drank a big Chimay myself, looked at the vague Gypsyman in front of me and decided to write an e-mail to the one and only real man in my life till now: PP

Dear PP
I am very sorry to tell you this, but yesterday I found a piece of beard on the street. I am almost 100% absolutely sure it is a piece of your beard. I guess it was pulled off when you slammed the door behind you. I picked it up and took it to my house. Please call me if you want it back. I will not tell anyone about this.

Love
Betty

P.S: I tried to cover a small stool with it, but it didn't do enough


CHEERIO
BETTY

Monday, October 23, 2006

BETTY AND PP

I'm worried about PP dear people. I have the feeling that he doesn't take care of himself. He never goes out. He never goes groceryshopping. His beard grows longer and longer and he smiles all the time. A clear sign of someone who has no clue. When my grandmother started to smile like that, she was 89, she fell of the stairs a few days later. Still smiling but dead. It was just terrible.
Maybe I should buy him a swiffer. Or, something to take the spiders out of the corners of his house. Or, a little comb, to get the beard nice and straight. Or a soap, in the shape of a big hand so he can wash himself.
Of course I have no clue how to approach it. It is more that it breaks my heart to see all this happening.
Who has a good plan for PP?

cheerio
Betty

Friday, October 20, 2006

BETTY'S TIP FOR SUCCESS RULE VII: BE CRAZY


Today Betty presents rule VII for your succesful career: BE CRAZY

Now, what do I mean with being crazy? That you need to fly up to a window and yell that the aliens are coming to get you? That you go to a wedding, wearing a wedding dress and dance with the groom all night? That you marry your dog and tell everyone that you would love to have children together? Yes, I do mean this. It is all very crazy and very right to do.

But, you're saying, isn't it foolish to be crazy? Will people not start to see me in a way I don't want to be seen. YES. THAT IS RIGHT. But, when becoming succesful you'll have to stand out somehow. There is too much competition to not do it.
It is up or it is out. So enjoy the crazy guy in yourself (it is always a guy) and let him do whatever he thinks its best.
Last night I suddenly felt the need to stand on my head. Just for a minute or two and so I did. Of course standing on your head in the local bakery isn't the most easy thing to do. I had to catch the loafs of bread that were falling from the shelves with my feet and a few cakes slid from the counter on top of an old lady, but hey, it was a real event for the baker and his customers. Afterwards I apologized and got myself a croissant. Succes ensured!

Cheerio!

Betty

Friday, October 13, 2006

BETTY'S TIP FOR SUCCESS RULE VI: DRIVE WITH YOUR HEART

I think the heart is an insane instrument, don't you agree? On one hand it is a very constant factor in life, a little bit overregular to my taste, on the other hand, it is a very emotional creature and it has no rules. So it seems. Of course, the heart is a beautiful thing, because it is ever there and hey, who can live without it? I still need to meet the first person who can do without one. It would be a terrible person though, a heartless being without love.

I would love to speak to a heart sometime and ask him how it feels to be so capricious. I mean, following a heart can be very risky. You might loose direction or you might loose what you had before!
Therefore dear almost famous wannabes, and I speak from my heart here, is that the advice that I can give you is a little boring. It is something like; be sensible. be smart. Now you're almost famous, you need to be very careful. It can all go wrong at the tail. So, my advice ( and I whisper this while I am writing) is: attach your fans to you but never pull your heart out unless you want to bleed.

Well, I'm off to a party now, with many celebs from all over the world. I am gonna sing a few songs and have some wine.
What do you think? isn't that the life we all should lead?

cheerio!

Betty

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

BETTY'S TIP FOR SUCCESS RULE V: KISS WITH FLAIR


Hello there, welcome back. Today Betty has figured out rule 5
Rule 5 is intense but secure: KISS AROUND
Although I write this with my last bit of energy, since the day was long, I Betty, feel that we need to discuss this very important principle of being famous.
Of course copying Britney Spears who kissed Madonna and then her husband Kevin and a few babies, is no good. None of these kisses have any lasting effect (except for 2 babies) because Britney looses all her connections slowly but securely. Now she is getting a divorce from kevin and oooo well kissing will be hard after this...

No, you gotta start kissing people who have a lasting impact on your career. For example, start trying to kiss a good hero, like your favorite local politician. Could be anyone and he could even be dead; in that case, kiss a good statue. We have a few great generals in Brussels that are easy to be kissed as long as you handle it with care.
In any case, you gotta kiss around. and get your pictures taken. In case you have a bleeding heart that belongs to someone, it is very difficult to start kissing around and surprise your fans kiss after kiss, but remember, the road to fame is a rocky road. You got to take the risk of a good mono, or something else bacterial but then, hey, after all that hugging and kissing, someone will take the right pictures and put you in the Daily News. think about Greta Garbo and Marilyn Monroe who were great kissers. Or Hitchkock, he loved kissing birds.
And that, is what it's all about people: getting your face in the daily news. So give yourself some flair and go for it.

BIG KISS
Betty

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

BETTY'S TIP FOR SUCCESS RULE IV: CHANGE YOUR MIND


Dear peole, today we'll speak about rule IV: CHANGE YOUR MIND

This rule seems very complex, but is easy to learn. As you all are ruthless and merciless for becoming famous and successful, you have tendency to focus too hard. Therefore I recommend to practise the skill of CHANGING YOUR MIND when necessary. People who are capable of changing their own mind, are usually capable of changing other peoples mind . This is a WONDERFUL tool. It helps you to influence anyone who is not convinced of your brilliance. Please hide your flip flopper qualities and present yourself as a steady hill. And then, be as flexible and surprising as a Kroatian gymnastic.

The idea behind this is simple: you've got to surprise the others to unite them. Fans usually unite in amazement about a star. Napoleon tended to surprise everyone; one day he invented the handkerchief. Instead of snorking his snotty nose and sound like a pig, he blew his nose in some piece of cloth. Of course, at first he couldn't convince himself of the brilliance of this silly new custom, but then HE changed his mind and within a few months, the WHOLE OF FRANCE changed their mind. Many people used their dresses but when fashion changed (since the designers changed their mind also) they ran around with different things like curtains, sheets and in the end kitchen towels. This way Napoleon had his way and he created a big mass of subordinates.

In these days, we don't have Napoleon but others: Paris Hilton, same, there is no steadiness in the girl and yet she stands like the Eiffeltower. Renee Zellweger, changes her mind all the time about anything she can think off. George Clooney, changes changes changes. Everyday he looks a little bit different. Every year, even more. It's a very powerful tool that I would like to give you.

Of course, when in doubt, feel free to ask questions. For more suggestions about how to look for mind boggling changes, I refer to Seeking Woman who returned from some trip just this week

Cheerio!

Betty

Sunday, October 01, 2006

BETTY'S TIP FOR SUCCESS RULE III


Dear people, welcome back at Betty's new series: Tips and Tools for success. Today we present RULE III: TAKE CARE

Being famous like you almost are, gives you the responsibility of taking care of your fans. Probably, hunting for fame, you have no interest in taking care of anybody but yourself, but it is very important to practise this skill. Start with taking care of a little thing, like a plant or your own hair. It is ALWAYS good to build a relationship, even with something that already belongs to you.

Remember: Show the integrity of your sudden attention. Mistrust is a big barrier to overcome in ANY relationship (Betty's relationship with her home mosquito Binny is still very fragile); with the right amount of love, light, warmth, truth and earth, any relationship could florish.

But, you might say, HOW do I take care? Well, in case you have 1 fan, start with the giving of a CLEAR compliment. Something like: WHAT WONDERFUL FEET YOU HAVE! Walking must be so easy for you! Then, it is necessary to intensify the contact by saying something important. Say; "I support you on all your silly projects and completely trust your mad decisionmaking, whatever that might lead to in your near future." This allows your fan to be completely himself, meaning NOT perfect and gives him all reason to love you. As Betty always states: pointing with one finger to someone else, means pointing with the other three to yourself.

For making fans I would like to refer to the last posting of Professor Periwinkle in which he mentions locations where you could easily connect to people. For now, good luck with applying RULE III.

Next time we discuss rule IV of becoming succesful and famous.

Cheerio!

Betty