BettyBras (see:www.bettybras.com): BETTY BRAS SUPERSTAR

Friday, May 12, 2006

BETTY BRAS SUPERSTAR

Hi Superstar

Hi Betty

How are you?

Super

I thought so

Want to be a superstar? Mail your wishes to Betty. Being a superstar is EASY she says! Learn how...

12 Comments:

At 11:43 AM, Anonymous said...: Hi Betty!

I would like to be a superstar and thats why I have been working out a lot lately. I can see my body changing. Do you ever go to the gym?

I have to attend a wedding tonight but I only know a few people. Do you wanna come and be my date?

A bog cheerio from Jennifer
At 8:18 PM, Betty Bras said...: HI Jennifer

How was your wedding? I would loved to have been your date but really coincidental, I had a wedding myself. It was not very inspiring since the music was bad. But o well...we danced a little anyway.

O yes. I never go to the gym since I am already quite slim myself but I love roller blading!

cheerio!

Betty
At 9:57 PM, Anonymous said...: I want to be a superstar betty. My business is poetry. What can you do for me?
At 9:38 AM, Anonymous said...: How did you know my name was Jennifer?

The wedding was horrible, I have never felt so lonely.

Do you have that Betty, that you think everyone is fake?

I will try to be a superstar though, if it were only to get back at people.

Oops, gym is calling, cheerio!!

xxx Jennifer
At 7:17 PM, Anonymous said...: Superstar!
I would love to be a superstar!!!
So Betty how are u going to do that?
Because i have been trying for years myself.
I am stalking Brad Pitt for the Last 7 years.
But no nothing...
But he spat in my face once(does that count???)

So dear Betty do your magic, please...
At 7:20 PM, Anonymous said...: Damn i just typed a lomg comment and now its gone...
I thing the guy in the wheelchair did it.
But what i was saying...
I love to be a superstar!!!
So please betty make it happen.
I have been stalking Brad Pitt for the last 7 years.
And nothing...
O yeah he spat in my face once...
Does that count???
But please Betty make me a star!
At 7:37 PM, Anonymous said...: Dear Betty,
My hands are shaking as I write this because I wanted to tell you what an inspiration you are... well no, that's not quite true, you see my hands have always shaken, I seem unable to sit still, can you suggest anything, should I sit on my hands or just try to talk them into staying still... but anyway, back to you, you are such an inspiration to me as I sit in my silent corner with my shaking hands pouring coffee all over the desk and thinking about how to deal with lots of horrible why questions like Why did I win the Ugly Professor Competition for the third time in a row last week? Why do I have a huge boil on the end of my nose? Why are my legs different lengths and my eyes different sizes and why can't I be symmetrical like everyone else? But that's enough about my deformities, let's get back to you. You don't seem to have any deformities at all. Are you hiding them or did you make them go away? I read about all your adventures as a sexy shopper and going up in hot air balloons and I realised what I could have done if only people hadn't run screaming out of the store every time I entered it or jumped out of the basket in the hot air balloon to certain death below. Well, enough of me, I just wanted to say how much I enjoy reading your inspirational column and now I must stop because some horrible yellow liquid is starting to come out of my ears. Could this be another deformity? Perhaps I could send you a picture and you could decide for yourself.
Your dutiful admirer,
Professor Periwinkle.
At 8:36 PM, Betty Bras said...: Dear professor Periwinkle

Thank you very much for your deep felt admiration. I obviously hope not to offend you when I say that I just LOVED the fact that your hands are shaking while reading my blog. My advice to you is, please do not try to stop it. It can be very charming and endearing to have a little tick here or there. Did you notice Mick Jagger is shaking when he sings? His hips shake and his ass and his right ear. It is a terrible nervous thing he developed and yet, we all love him (ask Bianca!)
As for your deformities: I got a little bit of a nausea when you told me about yellow stuff coming out of your ears. My advice is: no superstar has ever tried to show this to his fans, so please don't tell us the details.
You might try to buy some tea and pour it slowly into one of your ears. Preferably tilleul tea. At your local shop. Also good for skin, eyes and,..kidneys
cheerio!
At 8:40 PM, Betty Bras said...: Dear Anonymous

Of course it is a SIGN that Brad Pitt spat in your ear. Didn't you know that he got spat in his ear just before he got discovered? yes he did. He got a spat from Harvey Keitel, right after he did Blue in the Face. Of course Harvey didn't notice. he always spits in peoples ears and so it happened to be Brad.
My advice to you is: don't stalk but talk. Go talk to people and tell them you love them, you wish the best for them and try to give them little things. Then, you will create a lovely bunch of fans who will support you wherever you are. And you see, that is what a star needs.
Madonna only got a grip on things after she had fans, because she couldn't sing that well. And look, where they got her to be, high up with 600 million dollars in her lap.
Since Madonna is too old, you should come in now.
So, walk and talk!
cheerio
Betty
At 8:42 PM, Betty Bras said...: Dear Joost

There is nothing that Betty can do, when you are not reciting or yelling something from the heart to us. So tell us, and the readers of this blog: what are you poem-ing about? intangible, unreachable love? famous people? fire cans?
show us your poetry and we will tell you where to go and what to do next

dear cheerios
Betty
At 11:45 AM, Anonymous said...: Dear Betty,
Thank you for encouraging me to think positively about my shaking hands. I now tell everyone that I'm just jaggering around when I fall over or spill something. It helps me a lot and makes me admire you even more. I think you have a great career option as a guru.
I have followed your suggestion of pouring tea into my ears to stop the yellow liquid coming out. I thought this was a great idea because it suggested balance and that is something very zen, or is it ying and yang. Yellow liquid out, yellow liquid in. The only problem is that I sometimes can't hear now, especially on buses. Is this natural or should I worry about it signifying something seriously wrong that might lead to my being put down?
Your devoted follower,
Professor Periwinkle.
At 4:32 PM, Betty Bras said...: Dear Professor Periwinkle

The most important function of the ears is providing equilibrium. So please watch carefully the amount of tea that you're pouring into your ears. It should be as much tea on the left as on the right side.
Of course this is very hard to do on the bus. So my advice is: don't pour anything in your ears while riding on a bus.
Your put down has obviously psychological causes that we have to get into. Before doing that I have to ask you: how was your youth, your relationship to your parents, AND did you have a special attraction to certain activities like playing cards, magic tricks or walking stelts?
If not, then tell me what you DID do. It is very important for the continuing of our conversation

happy to be your new guru

cheerio

Betty