BettyBras (see:www.bettybras.com)

Cartoons of hot reporter and agony aunt Betty Bras www.bettybras.com. All your questions answered for free!!

Thursday, August 31, 2006

BETTY FRINGE


Betty went to Edinburgh to the FRINGE festival

It was fabulous. The festival, the theater, the artists and Seeking Woman, who joined Betty at the festival were fabulous. There was lots of comedy and laughter. There was also street theater (oh well street theater..) They saw Mette Lizby and Omar Marzouk with their show Cartoon Comedy, they saw FREAKS in THE BOX with two very crazy men from New York who did an acrobats act with interesting movements. They saw Shakespeares Toilets and Jessica directed by Peter Stein and they saw some other tales of horror at night. They slept at a hostel full of women of youth. They spent all their money on cappucino's and useless books about spiritituality (as if that would help to find your soulmate) and they sat down a lot with people from other cultures. You know. to be like that.
Are you bored? Organise a fringe festival. Www.edfringe.com
It is over though! Too bad!

Cheerio!

Betty

Thursday, August 24, 2006

BETTY READS ANNIE MAC BAIN



Today Betty reads the wonderful detective thriller The Name of the Game, a third novel by Mark Corner a.k.a Professor Periwinkle, about lady detective Annie MacBain. This time the thrilling murder story is set in Egypt.

Are you interested? Check it out on this page: Books by Professor Periwinkle!
For fragments of this wonderful and exciting detective story go to
professorperiwinkle's blog

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

BETTY EMBRYO

Today Betty confirms that the ear looks exactly like an embryo

"Gee," said Betty to Professor Periwinkle who stood somewhere in a corner
"A human ear looks exactly like a human embryo of a new baby to be!"



"Hm," said Professor Periwinkle after he thought for a while. "I have never seen an embryo in real life but I believe it doesn't have anything to do with ears."
"But the Japanese claim them to be related," said Betty
"It doesn't even have ears, the embryo," said Professor Periwinkle, "Tell that to the Japanese, and then see what they have to say!"
"Both have the same connection to the organs," protested Betty
"Sure," said Professor Periwinkle," the embryo is what the organs are- how can it NOT be connected to the organs?"
Betty sighed in confusion. "But the shape is the same,..."
"Well, if you curl up you look like an embryo" said Professor Perwinkle stubbornly. "And no one talks about that comparison...except for-"
"The Japanese?" asked Betty
But Professor Periwinkle didn't want to talk any more

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

BETTY GOOD MOVIE


Today betty wanted to make a good movie

But it wasn't easy
It wasn't because people didn't have the right intentions...
No, it was more that nobody knew the right technique of how to do it...
Betty was sweating and struggling and hassling and fumbling and rumbling, if anybody remembers this action verb
but it didn't work
"Well," said Betty, sweeping her hair to the back "I have failed to make a good movie."
"Yeah well," said camera, "you should just remember that what's in your head isn't in the world and so it might not matter altogether.."
And althought Betty tried her best, she really didn't get what the hell camera was talking about

Saturday, August 19, 2006

BETTY FRENCH FRIES


Dear P.P

Thank you very much for your golden fries, I mean tips. I love french fries. I do.
I know all snackbars from Amsterdam, London, Brussels and New York. Although eating french fries
is still taboo, especially with Dutch mayonaise, I just admit that it is the only remedy to feel good!
The salty taste, the earthlike quality of potatoe, the soft taste of the mayo, one can just not find a better
combination.
Therefore I am planning to open a cafetaria soon, Betty Brasserie, with French Fries. And after the meal a
lovely Betty Brulee
Wouldn't that be a top meal?
All cheered up and energized again,

Yours cheerio

Betty

Thursday, August 17, 2006

BETTY VERY TIRED




"I'm so tired," said Betty, "that I can hardly stand. Nor walk. And the idea of talking appawls me"
"Why don't you take a cup of tea and watch something light," said Professor Periwinkle, "something that you can laugh at"
So Betty tried. It really worked. She laughed her head off and than she rested.
"Why don't you try my new soup," said Seeking Woman with a smile. And Betty tasted her soup. It tasted somewhat broccolian.
"THERE YOU GO!" said Seeking Woman enthusiastically when Betty clumsily tried to walk to a cupboard.
"Hey" shouted Cave Girl from within the cupboard. "Leave me alone!"
"I just came to lean a bit," protested Betty.
But Cave Girl wouldn't have it.
"La di Da" said Betty and forgot that she only had to be herself

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

BETTY CELEBRATES HER BIRTHDAY



Today Betty celebrates her Birthday

Betty: Happy birthday...to Betty, Happy Birthday...to Betty...

Lion: (bored) Happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, roar roar roar

Betty: Thank you

Lion: (roars) welcome. And now out of my territory!

Betty: Oops..cheerio!


P.S: Betty IS having her birthday. Cakes can be mailed to betty.bras@yahoo.co.uk

Monday, August 14, 2006

Cave Girl meets ojects



Dear Betty,

I hadn’t seed any other people in a couple of days, and whenever that happens, the objects in my life start to take over the roles of friends.
One of my new friends was the coffeemaker. Naturally I have lots of contact with my coffeemaker, because I am not above creating tiny little cosy moments for myself.
Suddenly though, my coffeemaker started sighing. It was a very human sigh, something in between a moan and a sigh really, with a bronchitis-rattle in it as well. My coffeemaker sounded really, REALLY tired and very depressed.
Of course there was no way I could do anything about it. Tell it to get some sleep? It wouldn’t have understood me.
Strange thought: your only friends are objects that do not speak your language, and they get depressed in your presence anyway.

Well Betty, that’s all for now. Gotta sing some happy songs for my objects.
Cave Girl

Sunday, August 13, 2006

BETTY BUTTERFLY


Today Betty went into nature and felt excited

Betty: Hello nature, where are all the butterflies today?

Nature: (sighs) Oh, they're auditioning for a new tv commercial, butterflies are hot these days

Betty: Wow, so they're making it huh, just like the trees who get more and more asked for films and all that

Nature: (laughs) Yes we did have the numbers go up lately. The only problem is that the butterflies get paid much more money than the trees

Betty: O dear, they don't get paid the same amount of money for the same job?

Nature: Well, some of them do but other ones just can't put their foot down. They're too soft. They're not used to being assertive, they're coming from a life of standing around in the forest, you know

Betty: Terrible. Why don't we try to make them act more like butterflies

Nature: Cool. We'll give them a course in negotiating

Betty: And then we paint their leaves and make them fly

Nature: Great, and then we send them off

(silence)

Nature: They should pay us for this brilliant idea

Betty: Beautifully spoken Nature, you sound like a real capitalist

Nature: Thank you Betty. You're a natural yourself

Betty: So why don't you pay me, I came up with the idea first

Nature: BETTY!

Betty: Oops all right then...cheerio!

Friday, August 11, 2006

Mr. Karmizovsky calls Betty


Mr. Karmizovsky: Eh....Betti?

Betty: Yes?

Mr. Karmizovsky: About the eh...journaliszm,...it isz NOT art, you know that no...?

Betty: I know, how come?

Mr. Karmizovsky: No,...just trying to remindz you...

Betty: Oh...you are such a serious artist Mr. Karmizovsky

Mr. Karmizovsky: (coughs)...Thank you

BETTY MEETS A JOURNALIST


Betty meets a journalist who doesn't know what's new

Betty: So, what's new?

Journalist: eh...old people died, epidemics, something with earthquakes, war eh...

Betty: That sounds very old to me...

Journalist: Weird. It is the news of today...

Betty: Well, why don't you write something HOT?

Journalist: Like what? I just hunted a minister about fraud, I mean, that's quite hot

Betty: Oh no, hot news is the awsome collaboration between BONO and his guitarist, the new APE TELEVISION channel in Ohio, beating CANCER by LOVE, the adventures of a young romantic woman in a red dress and her writers clan..Cave Girl alone at home..

Journalist: It's too new. People won't recognize it

Betty: I think you have no idea of what really interests the public

Journalist: Are you insulting me?

Betty: Yes, we are building up a BIG CONFLICT with lots of TENSION and a new WAR started just now, since all TRUST has been BROKEN just by these WRONG WORDS. BEWARE OF TOXIC INFLUENCES, YOUR LIFE IS IN DANGER, THREATENED AND ABUSED, this could lead to...

Journalist: HELP! SCARY LANGUAGE!

Betty: Oops all right then...cheerio!

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Betty and Woof


Today Betty meets a dog

Betty: ooooh, I am in such need for a cuddle. Oh look! What a cute dog!

Dog: (wags his tail) Hi

Betty: Oh, you are SUCH a sweetheart. I wish I could take you home

Dog: You like me?

Betty: Oh yes, you ARE SO sweet yes, you ARE very very sweet, I would take you home and walk you every day...

Dog: and cry, and laugh with me. And feed me. And talk to me. And then yell...

Betty: I would NEVER yell at you, you are such a sweetheart. Come here, come here with the Betty

Dog: (comes over) You are very sure about all this Betty

Betty: (starts to cuddle him and stroke him) oh yes oh yes

Dog: Now watch yourself (sprints off)

Betty: Hey! Hey! Come here! HERE! HERE! You dog! Damn! You lousy bastard! Come over here! Jezus!

Dog: (running) I love human beings when they get heated up, it's one of the best things in life

Betty: HEY YOU! BLOODY DOG! COME HERE! COME HERE I TELL YOU!

Friday, August 04, 2006

Hair




Dear Betty,

Today I woke up only to find a giant hair sticking out of mijn right nipple. Freaked out, I tried to remove it, but to no avail.
This started me thinking as to WHY the hair had decided to surface on my nipple. (WHY?). Had it intended to grow in my armpit, and missed an exit somewhere? Was it sent here by my pubic hair to investigate? If only we could ASK our bodies what they are up to; that would make life so much less hellish.
The hair looked lonely, thereby perfectly matching my own mood.
After showering, the hair looked as if it was there to stay. A scary thought hit me. What if is was really a very long hair, that grew INSIDE my body, like, all over? Resurfacing in random spots? Maybe I am completely filled with hair. That would explain the weird thoughts I tend to have. My brain is too hairy.

Sigh.

Confused greetings, Betty. Keep the brain/body connection open!
Love,
CaveGirl

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Mr. Karmizovsky marries



Today Betty meets Mr. Karmizovsky who is hungry for love and art

"It is not that I do not love love," said Mr. Karmizovsky, " but I love my ART much more, I believe,.."
"But don't you want to marry someone?" asked Betty.
"I do," said Mr. Karmizovsky, "but I would not know how to express that to someone."
"With the same words you just uttered," said Betty wisely.
"Which words?" asked Mr. Karmizovsky somewhat foolishly.
"I do! I do!" repeated Betty impatiently.

But Mr. Karmizovsky could not imagine that those two simple words were enough. It sounded good, he thought when he repeated those simple words a few times. I DO, I DO, I DO. The rhythm and poetry suddenly really pleased him.
'I do like art better,' he thought after a few efforts; 'I DO...'
And this is how Mr. Karmizovsky stayed married to his art.